About 16 years ago I found myself falling into a state of exhaustion, but it wasn’t that kind of physical fatigue that I could understand, it was like a deep soul weariness. At the time I could not or would not see any reason for me to feel this way, but something was draining the life out of me and there was a part of me that just ached to be held. A holding that I knew no human could provide so I did what I always do I started to paint. To begin with I had no visual concept of who it was that held me, she just seemed to evolve as I painted. The deeper I fell into the holding the more visceral the experience became. I could smell the muskiness of the bearskin she wore and felt the warmth of her skin and the sound of the beating of her great heart. I found peace there that I had never known before and slowly and surely I felt myself renewed at my deepest level.
It wasn’t long before I realised what had been stealing my soul energy and I was eternally grateful to that holding for the strength it gave to deal with what was to come. Years later when I was once again nourished and earthed the painting being large was delegated to a backroom to stay almost unnoticed for more than a decade. Then a couple of months ago my life was once again thrown into chaos and distress with the death of my beloved partner and being forced to move house. My sisters were doing their best to help me settle in and it was they that pushed me to hang this big painting in full view in the dining room. I am grateful for their wisdom as I needed to remember how to be held again and how to heal from yet another great loss in my life.
I do not attribute a name or an archetype it is powerful presence I have always referred to her as ‘She’, she who encompasses all the power and compassion of the feminine for me.