The Rulers of Our Own Damn Lives
Monica Rodgers
It was so quick, I would later call the episode a “stress hallucination.” In that moment, as my six-year-old daughter clung to my leg silently begging me to protect her from her father’s rage, I was shown a line of females from a pyramid, through myself, and ending with my beloved daughter.
While my daughter cleaved, my three-year-old son hid behind the heavy curtains, rocking silently. In the midst of what felt like a hurricane, a great eye of stillness seemed to envelop me, and in it appeared a hologram, streaming forth a firm reminder from some other realm that stated with clarity and conviction: “You are the ruler of your life.”
In that moment as I stared down into the pleading eyes of the female child I had birthed, I knew that I would continue the chain of pain and sorrow if I did not break it, right then and there. Although I had never before uttered the words, I declared my decision to get a divorce, and just like that—after almost ten years living in fear and misery—I was free.
The Goddess had just begun her work with me. Following the dissolution of my marriage, I fell deep into a dark night of the soul, becoming bed-ridden as all the misaligned pieces of my life came crashing down around me.
It was in that bed that I descended into to other realms, retrieving pieces of myself from childhood and beyond. I found guides—a medicine woman and a shaman—to help me on my healing journey. Eventually, I began searching for stories of the Goddesses, which would lead me back to the one I had briefly experienced the afternoon my world had begun to change.
Isis visited me through symbols and clues that seemed to intimate my lineage to her. Her name or image would continually show up in Oracle cards, dreams, on jewelry or in books. Each offered me pieces of a larger puzzle that had not fully come into view.
Last summer, I was visiting my childhood home in Maine and felt a deep and desperate urge to drive 45 minutes into Portland to walk the streets by myself. I felt rather silly, but a familiar restlessness seemed to propel me in search of something I could not name.
Eventually I found myself in front of an antique store and felt a giant invisible magnet pulling me inside. I walked directly to a jewelry case in the back, and in that case that had beckoned me, a beautiful small gold Ankh gleamed at me from a black velvet box.
As the woman behind the counter fitted it with a matching chain, she mentioned that she’d never seen such a simple version and that it had just come in the day before. The same day I downloaded the book Mary Magdalene Revealed by Meggan Watterson. The same day I’d listened, mesmerized, as she shared her own journey of discovery articulating the link between the suppressed divine feminine and the lineage that led her back to Isis.
Every cell in my body felt on fire.
Shortly after this divinely inspired “coincidence,” I had the privilege of working with Sophie Bashford, author of You are A Goddess for a channeled reading. During the reading, she guided me through a meditation that led me to Mary Magdalene who, in turn, brought me to the feet of Isis.
The energy I felt coursing through my body as this meditation proceeded was intense. Tears poured down my face as Isis touched my forehead with her finger in the meditation, her image seeming to superimpose upon Mary Magdalene, making me wonder if she was not somehow showing me the reincarnation of her own spirit.
Without words, she told me that I had to forget who I was in order to remember who I was. That we all carry her message inside of us and that we are here to alchemize the spirit (divine) with the matter (human). That we all carry a the divine story within our human bodies. When women remember who we truly are—discarding notions of what we should be—we also remember our lineage. We remember Isis and every woman who has come to honor our vow as divine creators. We claim their stories as our own, we gain the mastery to overcome the deeply rooted masculine-feminine imbalance of the patriarchy. We stop giving our power away, and we begin to know that we are the rulers of our own damn lives.
(To be continued)
Details of On the Wings of Isis are found here.