Don’t Buy into Patriarchal Beauty Standards
Many of the beauty products we use are slowly killing us without our knowledge or explicit consent. While I identify strongly as a feminist, it is still hard to part with the privilege of being considered “pretty.” As I grow older, I am beginning to calculate what pretty costs.
At 37, I dyed my hair for what I promised myself would be the last time. If you research the negative effects of hair dye, it is not something you would willingly use on any part of your body.
And then we digress to the issue of body hair; I won’t go into pubic hair because that seems to be discussed everywhere lately. Underarm hair seems to carry even more of a taboo, likely because it is more visible.
For years, I maintained the ritual shaving and putting on deodorant each morning, knowing that it was not good for me.
All of that came to an end when my six-year-old daughter stopped me while I was putting on my usual brand and asked when she would start to wear deodorant.
I told her, “Hopefully never, it’s poison.”
She asked, “Then why do you wear it, Mommy?”
I promised her I would stop. She looked me dead in the eye and demanded to know, “When?” That was it for me.
The indoctrination begins early; it starts with those of us who are mothers. Our daughters watch our every move, how we treat ourselves. I realize now I failed my daughter in some ways, by going along with a system that I didn’t even believe in. Why is how other people perceive us more important than how we feel? Is looking and smelling “good” more important than that?
At one point, I had to ask myself, ‘Am I really spending all this time trying to eat healthy, organic food only to ingest toxins via my personal care products?’
The same toxins that we are absorbing into our bodies are often made in poor countries, bringing disastrous consequences for the local environment as well as the individual health of millions of inhabitants. As Kathleen Dean Moore stated, “We believe we can destroy our habitat without also destroying ourselves. How could we be so tragically wrong?”35
You can’t do something to/for yourself that simultaneously hurts another being without an additional adverse effect. So why do we continue to buy into a system that hurts women everywhere?
And here is one more thing to consider: In a world where we don’t think our choices matter, they can. Consider the cost of grooming your hair. The average American woman will spend over $55,000 over the course of her lifetime on her hair.36 How many women die completely broke? (The answer is more than half of us!)
Whenever I post about this on social media, it always becomes divisive, so here is where I will leave it. Shaving or not shaving—or wearing or not wearing makeup or deodorant—does not make you less or more of a feminist. Sometimes I still shave if I get a wild hair. I sometimes wear makeup, especially when I am feeling really tired and want a little pick-me-up. It is more about how I feel. My children, interestingly enough, hate it when I wear makeup. My husband doesn’t notice one way or another. But I don’t spend money on makeup or shaving. I rarely purchase it—maybe a lipstick every 5 years and an occasional tube of mascara. As with any purchase, I am very intentional about how I will spend my money.
The way we groom our hair is probably not a life-changing event for most of us, but that small everyday choice can have an economic impact on our net worth. It can also change what we can afford to contribute to the world at large. Riane Eisler stated: “Women represent 70 percent of the 1.3 billion people in our world who live in absolute poverty. Consequently, as Joan Holmes, president of the Hunger Project, points out, any realistic efforts to change patterns of chronic hunger and poverty require changing traditions of discrimination against women.”37
When we give up the idea that our primary importance is based on how we look, we stop buying all the makeup, hair products, new clothes, etc. that can cost us thousands of dollars every year. We are talking about a $7 billion-dollar-a-year industry in the United States alone that profits from women feeling bad about themselves. That is a serious amount of money that could change a lot for females worldwide.
I don’t spend money on most of that any more. I spend any extra money I have on supporting women’s projects, books and CD’s—or reinvesting in my own projects. As Lucy Pearce notes, “Society INVESTS in us hating ourselves, one of the most powerful ways to stick it to the system is to decide that’s just not an option, that hate is a waste of time and you’ve got bigger things to do.”38
I don’t want to continue to support a system where women are sliced and diced on Photoshop and still only make 77 cents on the dollar. As women, we cannot afford to support beauty expectations that harm us both collectively and individually.
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(Meet Mago Contributor) Trista Hendren.