(Book Excerpt 11) How to Live Well Despite Capitalist Patriarchy by Trista Hendren

Don’t Settle in Love

This may seem like a repeat of an earlier chapter, but I intentionally put it in here twice because it pains me to see so many women in less than adequate relationships.

It is possible to have a loving and peaceful relationship. When there is constant arguing and drama, it is a sign that the relationship is not right.



It is possible to have a disagreement and handle it peacefully and lovingly. It is possible to be completely wide-open with someone and not have him use it against you later.



These things may seem obvious, but they were totally out of my radar when I was married to my children’s father. Our relationship was so off-balance and dysfunctional that I completely lost my grounding. The only really strong example of love I witnessed was that of my paternal grandparents who were happily married for more than 64 years. If I hadn’t had that example, I don’t think I would have found my way back to a good relationship. They were my guiding stars and I believe they sent me an angel in the form of the man I am with now.


Sometimes it takes a few relationships that don’t work to realize what you do want.


When I was completing my certification process with Imagine a Woman, there was an entire segment on relationships, that I now offer on my website. I think it was one of the best things I have ever seen on relationships. It was such a moment of clarity for me, and it was so simple—just noticing how you feel in someone’s presence.

After each encounter with a new friend or potential lover, ask yourself:

“How did I feel in his/her presence?”

Underline or highlight the words that best describe your feelings. “I felt ______ in his/her presence today.”

excited

turned on

challenged

opened

energized

fearful

restrained

cautious

on guard

misunderstood85

For the first time in my life, I feel only what is in the top section. And this has been my daily experience for the past 8 years.


Sometimes, as women, I think it’s very difficult for us to give up even a very bad relationship. It is ingrained in us from childhood that a relationship is the primary thing that gives us value. When we realign with our feelings, we know what is right for us when it comes. We can also be happy and perfectly content on our own, without a relationship.

Find more info on this book here.

(Meet Mago Contributor) Trista Hendren.


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